the beginning, 2024 🌸

I will mention a few possible triggering points for some people. Please read with your own caution.

A whole freakin’ year zipped by, and I didn’t even notice. Life and I had this unspoken deal – I scratch its back, it scratches mine. We both hustled, looking for that happiness jackpot. Gotta admit, this year felt a bit off from the usual.

So, what’s the deal, you ask?

Well, this year, I did something I’ve never done—asked for help. I busted out of my cosy bubble, tore it apart, and went asking for a hand. And you know what? No regrets. Turns out, I had no clue how much help I needed until I started going to therapy. Met this amazing woman who’s probably my lifesaver in a few ways. ‘Cause, a few months into those psychotherapy sessions, it hit me how desperate I was to feel better. And here’s the kicker—I didn’t even know what “feeling better” meant for me. I was all tangled up with this happiness idea I thought I should have but couldn’t quite grasp.

But therapy? Damn me, it opened my eyes to the real stuff. I won’t lie; I’m not 100% sure of my mental stability right now, but even I can see how far I’ve come. Forever thankful for ditching that lonely routine and reaching out for professional help. Yeah, it hits the wallet, and some months are tighter ’cause of those weekly therapy sessions. If it will help my life, I’ll hustle some extra hours if it means keeping my head above water. I have learned that nothing’s more important than my mental and physical health. Money’s just a tool to get the treatment I need to survive.

If I need further justification (I sometimes do), for example, I zoom out a bit, and I kinda see these therapy sessions as an “investment” in myself. They help me grow, sort out my emotions, and even make me a better person for the people around me. And I’m not just doing this for them—I’m doing it because I was at a point where I didn’t even wanna keep going. Now? I’ve got this tiny flicker of hope inside, pushing me to keep grinding, living, learning. I’m not giving up on that feeling; I don’t wanna.

Of course, therapy wasn’t the only thing that floated my boat. I started going to the gym more, swam more, and got better at skating: all came to the fact that I was moving. I was moving and I wasn’t moving for the sake of being healthy, no. I was moving because I genuinely am happy when I am moving. I love being in water because water and I become one and free. I love skating because the wind just hits differently, I am unable to devour myself in harmful thoughts… I just exist and it soothes me.

Honestly, my goals for 2024 might sound a bit boring, but hey, they’re mine. I’m not reaching for the stars or chasing some crazy dreams. Nah, I just wanna amp up my game in swimming and skating. Those two sports are my jam, and I just wanna get better at them and stay consistent. Simple, right?

Oh, and therapy sessions? Yeah, those are non-negotiable. I’m sticking to those like glue. It’s become my thing, and it’s been doing wonders for me.

Apart from that, I’m not asking much from this new year. I’ll just keep doing my thing. Reading, writing—gotta find ways to keep feeling good and, you know, contribute to this whole healing journey I’ve got going on. So, here’s to another year of doing what works for me. Cheers to simplicity and just rolling with it.

Happy New Year friends. It is good to have you here. ✨❤️